Five Loving Ways to Hold Boundaries with Your Teen in Recovery

The transition to teenhood and early adulthood can be a complicated time for parent-child dynamics. Recent studies show this is a common period for mental health issues, with nearly one in five children and adolescents suffering from disordered eating habits. 

While it may feel frustrating as a guardian invested in your child’s well-being to have them express resistance towards receiving eating disorder treatment, it is important to recognize their perspective. By encouraging open communication and setting clear emotional boundaries, you can foster a recovery mindset in your child while allowing their voice to be heard.

1. Shift their focus towards what opportunities treatment will create

Beginning eating disorder treatment can often feel like receiving a chorus of no’s- to opportunities in the near future, relationships with peers, and participating in the hallmarks of adolescence. Remind your teen of what recovery will enable them to say ‘yes’ to, such as spontaneity and energy to engage in what brings them joy, or to enjoying the favorite foods of their childhood.

2. Remind yourself of the benefits and stability that come with emotional boundaries

While it is crucial to encourage honest communication between all family members, it is equally important to curate private spaces to process emotions. Deciding to begin the eating disorder treatment process is a physically, mentally, and emotionally fatiguing journey for your teen, and feeling responsible for the emotions of their caregivers can become too overwhelming for them to manage. Be conscious of the intentions in your communication- will communicating this boundary benefit you and your teen’s emotional well-being? Are you using neutral language and communicating your feelings without placing guilt or shame? 

3. Create opportunities for communication without consequences 

While boundaries are crucial to creating stability and positive reinforcement in your teen’s recovery process, it is equally important to create spaces where they can communicate their feelings without reaction or judgment. Remember that even though your teen has decided to recover, an eating disorder shifts not only their behaviors, but also their decision-making skills and emotional and logical processes. Recovery is not a linear process, and ‘irrational’ or ‘resistant’ behavior is often simply a coping mechanism for the many changes they are experiencing.

4. Identify positive coping strategies for all family members, avenues to ‘tap out’ and take space 

Having loved ones with such a heavy investment and daily role in their physical and mental well-being can feel overwhelming as an adolescent or young adult with an eating disorder. Despite your positive intentions in taking an active role in the treatment process, this collective sense of responsibility may leave them feeling uncomfortable or lacking in personal autonomy. Just as communication is crucial, it is also important to create spaces where you can process your emotions. Remember that caring for your mental health is a necessary component in remaining present and engaged in your teen’s recovery. Consider a safe space or word for taking breathing room during a particularly challenging moment.

5. Look to long-term well-being

Although it may feel counterintuitive to set boundaries if your teen is already struggling with a negative headspace, especially when these seem to exacerbate the present distance between you and your loved one, research shows that these boundaries will strengthen your relationship in the long term. The last thing your teen needs is to feel that not only are they overwhelmed, but that their parents are too. 

By fostering a positive dialogue, setting clear emotional boundaries, and providing opportunities for each family member to communicate, you can establish boundaries that support your child’s recovery and the well-being of every household member. Recovery is not easy, and doing the ‘right’ thing may feel uncomfortable. But by setting appropriate boundaries, you are ensuring they are dictated by you, rather than your child’s eating disorder, maintaining the security and structure of your parent-child dynamic in the long run.