Modeling Healthy Relationships with Food at Home
Learning that a loved one has been suffering from an eating disorder is a unique experience for every family affected, particularly as the family member of an adolescent. This emotional process may trigger feelings of guilt, distance, or lack of trust. One positive way to navigate these feelings is by harnessing them to explore your family’s relationship with food more closely.
Embracing your Role
While it is crucial to hold space for your emotions and well-being during this process, shifting your focus towards a more positive, forward-thinking outlook can be beneficial for your familial relationships. Rather than dwelling on what could have been done differently, look to future possibilities for your family’s relationship with food. As a parent, you play a crucial role in facilitating a positive relationship with food for your children. How can you model some of these behaviors to generate a more positive environment for not only your adolescent struggling with an eating disorder, but for every member of your family, including yourself?
Communicating through the kitchen
It’s nearly impossible to visit a grocery store without encountering subtle messages about the “good” or “bad” qualities of the foods we consume. These messages are deeply embedded in our modern food culture and often enter our homes unintentionally. Such labels frequently exploit the good intentions of parents to provide a healthy, nutrient-rich diet for their children. Reflect on how these messages may have entered your own kitchen.
Are some types of food more accessible than others? Are any of these foods intentionally or unintentionally framed as ‘better’ or ‘worse’? Practice non-judgmental observation of the environment you manage as a caretaker. Do you make assumptions about your children’s eating habits or those of their peers? How can you change this mindset through the language you choose to use?
Practicing Food Neutrality
Food neutrality is the practice of regarding all food as morally “equal” rather than using labels like “good” or “bad” for you1. Instead of creating negative associations with certain foods, try shifting your family’s focus to the benefits offered. Is it dense in nutrients and vitamins for the functioning of your body? Is it a comforting family favorite, with carbs that provide quick energy? By recognizing the benefits of every food, you can avoid placing certain foods on a pedestal and encourage variety and moderation.
Relationships in your Community
As the parent of an adolescent, you have the opportunity to encourage a positive relationship with eating in your children and their peers. If you hear your family members making comments about their own or others’ bodies, try gently shifting the conversation. While ‘playful’ commentary on eating habits may feel harmless in the moment, you can never be entirely certain of how it may be impacting your loved ones in the long run.
Tips on Encouraging a Positive Dialogue
Shift your perspective to other members of your household: How might mealtime bring up uncomfortable emotions? How can your care and concern create a heightened level of individual attention at the dinner table? As a youth or teen struggling with an eating disorder, positive progress made in food freedom can often ring hollow when other members of the household are still engaging in restrictive dialogue on what they should or should not be eating. By embracing household-wide food neutrality, you can shift the focus away from one member of your family at the dinner table and instead strengthen the relationship with food for your entire family.
The focus and care you put into your family’s physical health already demonstrates your understanding of the critical role our relationship with food can play in our well-being. While processing the news of a loved one suffering from an eating disorder may tempt you to look towards the past for answers, try to instead shift towards future action. Positive and negative associations are deeply ingrained in our modern food culture, but by taking this first step, you are already on your way to conquering them.
- https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2801664 ↩︎